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M. F. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 154 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . . 4 5 
Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 
Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2% hrs. 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h.(25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 254 hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 2*£ hrs 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

1 54 hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

254 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down i- Dixie, 4 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 254 hrs 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief. 1 hr. . . . . (25c) 10 

Elma, 1J4 hrs... .(25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, 154 h.(35c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, 154 hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 254 hrs ....(25c) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

154 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish), 2 acts,154 h. 8 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h. (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 254 

hrs t (25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts? 2l hrs.. (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay! Streak, 3 

acts, 1 54 hr3. (25c) 4 3 

Jayville Junction, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 

2% hrs (25c) 7 5 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 254 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

\y 2 hrs (25c) 10 



Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

154 hrs 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

154 hrs (25c) 12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1 54 hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

2y 2 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 154 hrs.. 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 54 hrs. 7 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 254 h. 8 3 

Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 154 hrs.. 7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.... 2 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min.... (25c) 12 
Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 54 

hrs 8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2y 2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. . (25c) 6 4 
Trip to Storyland, 1 54 hrs.(25c)17 23 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2 54 hrs. (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 254 

hrs. (25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETTAS. Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 1" 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T« S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



AUNTY 



A FARCE 



BY 

JOHN M. FRANCIS 



CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



AUNTY 



CHARACTERS. 



A 



Harry Toogood The Husband 

PlERPONT TUCKERMAN SHAW . Aunty 

Ethel Toogood The Wife 

Mrs. George Joyner The M ' other -in-Law 



Time — The Present. 



Place — The Toogood Apartment. 



Time of Playing — Forty-five Minutes. 



The play was first presented by "The Players" of Troy, 
N. Y., during the winter of 1910-11. Mrs. E. W. Becker 
was Mrs. Joyner ; Miss Winifred Stone was Mrs. Toogood ; 
George N. Patrick was Toogood and John M. Francis was 
Shaw. 



COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBE!N H. NORMS. 



T HP 96-006*02 
©CLO 31185 



AUNTY. 3 

STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Henry Toogood endeavors to enliven the domestic rut 
into which he has fallen by "a night off." Next morning 
he finds he has brought home a guest — a bankrupt theat- 
rical man, who has robbed his company. To deceive his 
wife he introduces the "friend," disguised as a woman, as 
"Aunty." Aunty is also introduced to the mother-in-law, 
Mrs. Joyner, who has made the Toogoods a surprise visit, 
having been called to town to deliver a suffragette lecture. 
Aunty pretends to be a believer in that cause. Having 
worked his way into Mrs. Joyner's confidence, he robs her 
and escapes, not, however, without being detected by Mrs. 
Toogood, who also finds out about her husband's fall from 
grace. Toogood is forgiven and Mrs. Joyner remains 
undeceived. 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Ethel Toogood — Pretty and well dressed, about twen- 
ty-eight years of age. She wears an attractive gown. 

Harry Toogood — -Well dressed business man, about 
thirty years old. 

Mrs. George Joyner — Stylishly dressed, gray-haired, 
middle-aged society matron. Her fad is clubs. She has an 
affected English accent. She makes good use of a lorg- 
nette. 

Pierpont Tugkerman Shaw — On his first appearance 
he should wear a seedy, ill-fitting frock coat, a loud vest, 
a pair of loud trousers baggy at the knees, a pair of white 
spats, a well-worn high hat and other make-up peculiar to 
a down-and-out actor. He should speak in a melodramatic 
way. He wears a dress on his second appearance and a 
woman's wig. He should speak in an affected woman's 
voice. 



AUNTY. 
STAGE SETTING. 



/ 


r~ 


CZJ 




\ 


JL 




Pier Glass 




V 


Door 






c\ 


Door 


/cha 


OOOChair 
r Table 




Sofa \ \ 


\ 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- 
ter ; L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc.; 1 E. } 
first entrance; U. E., upper entrance, etc.; D. F., door in 
flat or scene running across the back of the stage ; 1 G., first 
groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 

THE PROPERTIES. . 

In addition to those mentioned in description of char- 
acters. 

Table, two easy chairs, lamp with large shade, sofa, 
large pier glass, vase, suit case and large, dirty, calling card 
for Shaw, towel for Harry, flowers for Ethel, bell, pocket- 
book for Mrs. Joyner. In it are bills and pencil and note 
paper. Hat and hat pins for Shaw. 



AUNTY 



Scene: The parlor of a handsomely furnished apart- 
ment in a big city. There are tivo entrances : The L., lead- 
ing off into apartment; the R., leading into hallway and 
to front door. Two chairs by table at R. C. on which are 
lamp with large shade and a vase. Sofa at L. Large pier 
glass at back C. The room can be more elaborately fur- 
nished, of course, according to the stage room. See Scene 
Plot for stage setting. 

As curtain goes up Shaw is discovered asleep on sofa. 
His suit case is in front of the sofa. 

Enter Harry, L. His head is done up in a towel and 
he shows the effects of the night before. He goes to chair, 
R. of table. As he talks he puts his hand to his head. 

Harry. The morning after. Oh, that morning after. 
{Groans and sits.) What a fool I was. Ethel's all right 
but she is strong on the simple life. The rut got tiresome 
and last night I escaped, lied about work at the office. 
(Starts to laugh but suddenly puts his hand to his head 
and groans.) Oh, such a head. Went to the show, met 
Johnny Burke and we went from place to place. (Laughs 
and groans.) I can't remember where we went after we 
left Jake Ryan's. The next thing I knew I found myself 
in my den on the lounge, all dressed. Guess I must have 
slept and — oh, this thirst. Thank goodness, there's some 
water. It's for the flowers I know, but that's nothing. 
(Picks up vase and drinks.) Ah, (sings to the tune of 
"The Old Oaken Bucket") The Old Silver Vase, The Old 
Silver Vase, The Old Silver Vase, that stands on the — 
Ah, (drinks) Um ! (Shaw snores and rolls off theTounge 
and onto suit case.) What's that? (Shaw rubs his eyes, 
5 



6 AUNTY. 

yawns and gets up.) Well — who — are — you? (Backs off, 
C. of stage.) 

Shaw (dramatic bow and goes toward Harry.) Pier- 
pont Tuckerman Shaw, sir, the actor-manager of the 
Liars Call Company, at your service. (Searches through 
his vest pocket.) My card, sir. My card, sir, giving my 
full name. (Extends large, dirty, wrinkled card.) And 
your name, sir? 

Harry. Harry Toogood, sir, and I don't want your 
card. (Shaw looks at card in disgust and throws it away.) 
This is my house. How did you get here? 

Shaw. You took me in, sir. 

Harry. I — I took you in? 

Shaw. No, sir, I do not mean to imply that you gold- 
bricked me, sir, for I would not make a pun on your hos- 
pitality. 

Harry. A pun on my hospitality? 

Shaw. A pun is a lower form of wit, sir, and what- 
ever people say of Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw, sir, they 
never can in justice accuse him of being a punster. (Goes 
tozvard sofa.) No, sir; not that, not that. 

Harry. If the fellow — 

Shaw. No, I did not jest. I spoke a truth, a solemn 
fact. You took me in sir. 

Harry. Be kind enough to explain. 

Shaw With pleasure, sir. Last night — 

Harry (hands to head, goes to table and resumes drink- 
ing. Back to Shaw). Oh, last night. 

Shaw. After the performance was over I discovered 
that funds were lacking with which to pay my fellow art- 
ists and artistes. It has always been my policy never to 
play any favorites in my company. There was not enough 
money to go round. Should I violate my chief precept, I 
asked myself? No, a thousand times, no, I replied. All, all 
should be treated alike. 

Harry (sitting down). So nobody got anything. 
(Laughs and then sobers up. Hands to head.) 

Shaw. 'Twere better so. 

Harry. And so you lit out with the funds? 



AUNTY. 7 

Shaw {walks tozvard Harry). Would you have it said 
that Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw for mere money created a 
jealousy among the devotees of that profession to which 
he counts it an honor (back to sofa), an honor, sir, to be- 
long? No, no. 

Harry. But didn't the police take a hand? 

Shaw. No, sir. I waited not for the horny-handed deni- 
zens of the law — I left the theater — 

Harry. With the money? 

Shaw (much astonishment). Would you have had me 
leave it? I left the theater, sir, and wandered about the 
streets frantically. 

Harry. Dodging the police? 

Shaw. I sought an alley where I might be alone with 
my bitter thoughts, far, far. from the garish light of yon 
'lectric lamp. (Walks back stage, C.) As I turned into the 
alley I stumbled over something and fell. The something 
groaned. I investigated. I found a man lying prone in the 
midst of the roadway. His very life was in danger, for at 
any moment he might have been run over by some passing 
vehicle. I knew then why instinct had prompted me to 
turn into that alley. It was — 

Harry. To escape from the police? 

Shaw. No, sir. It was to save the life of that man, 
and that man (pauses and advances with pointed finger) 
was you. 

Harry (has been laughing during this recital, suddenly 
sobers). Me? By George! I seem to remember now. 
Something about turning into an alley. 

Shaw. I shook you. 

Harry. It doesn't look as though you had. You're with 
me still, and not very still at that. 

Shaw. Ah, you mock me. I, your preserver. Un- 
grateful man. I roused you, explained to you your peril- 
ous position. You were so grateful that you asked — in- 
vited — yes, even insisted that I never leave you. 

Harry. Was I as drunk as all that? 

Shaw. And I promised that I never would. You brought 
me home and you gave me yon soft and downy couch 



8 AUNTY. 

{walks toward sofa) to rest me weary bones upon. And 
here I am. 

Harry. I made you promise that you'd never leave me, 
did I? Well, here's where you break that pledge. (Goes 
to door, R., which he opens.) Go. 

Shaw. It can never be said that Pierpont Tuckerman 
Shaw, sir, once having given his word, ever broke it. 
(Sits on sofa.) I'll stay. 

Harry. You'll stay? 

Shaw. The laws of hospitality demand it. 

Harry (advancing upon Shaw). This has gone far 
enough — past a joke. You get out of here. Why, what'll 
my wife think? I'll call the police. (Goes front.) 

Shaw (rising and advancing toward Harry). No, you 
won't call the police. 

Harry. Why ? 

Shaw. Your wife. 

Harry. My wife? 

Shaw. That's just the reason why you won't call the 
police. You wouldn't want to do that because I should be 
forced — yes, I, Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw, sir, the actor 
manager of the Liars Call Company, should be compelled 
to explain to your wife how I came by my invitation, and 
then your wife — 

Harry. Gee! If Ethel should hear of that? 

Shaw (crosses to sofa). Aye. The shoe doth pinch 
when one is pinched. (Melodramatic pose zvith arms 
crossed at sofa.) 

Harry (aside). I must treat with this man. (To 
Shaw.) Now, see here, Shaw. (Advances to Shaw.) 

Shaw. Mr. Shaw, if you please. 

Harry. Mr. Shaw, then. We're both in a mess. 

Shaw. We're fellow pickles in the same bottle of chow- 
chow. 

Harry. You are trying to dodge the police. 

Shaw. Appearances, I must confess, would so indi- 
cate. 

Harry. While I — 

Shaw. You are trying to dodge your wife. 



AUNTY. 9 

Harry. Yes, if you care to put it in that way. I didn't 
know what I was doing when I picked you up. I got into 
this affair when I was maudlin. Now I've got to get out 
of it myself, and that means that I've got to get you out 
of it, too, I suppose. 

Shaw. Your supposition is entirely correct, sir. 

Harry. Well, then, you've got to help me out. 

Shaw {places hand on Harry's shoulder). It can never 
be said that Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw, sir, ever failed a 
friend in need. 

Harry. Therefore, we've got to stick together. 

Shaw. We'll be liken unto the envelope and the post- 
age stamp so close we will stick. 

Harry. I'll keep you until ' tonight and then I'll help 
you to get out of town if you'll keep quiet. Otherwise I'll 
give you over to the police. 

Shaw. A deaf and dumb man will be a village gossip 
compared to Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw, sir. 

Harry. I don't know what the deuce to do. I can't 
keep you hid until tonight. 

Shaw. When I can shake the dust of this great and 
ungrateful metropolis from off my shoes. 

Harry. I suppose the police are watching the stations. 

Shaw. Trust to Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw, sir. There 
be such things as disguises, you know. {Points to dress 
suit case.) 

Harry {laughs). You're all right, Shaw, old top. {Slaps 
Shaw'.? back hard. Shaw, who has been laughing, too, 
sobers up and rubs back.) But as for me, it's another mat- 
ter. Now, there's my wife — {Telephone bell is heard ring- 
ing off right. Harry starts to answer it. Shaw is extreme 
L., listening. Before Harry reaches the door Ethel's voice 
is heard, R.) 

Ethel {off R.). Hello. 

Harry {crossing to Shaw). My wife. (Shaw and 
Harry stand frightened, L.) 

Ethel {off R.). Yes, this is Mrs. Toogood. Why, how 
do you do? This is a surprise. Come right along. We'll be 
so glad — 



10 * AUNTY. 

Harry. What the deuce am I to do? 

Shaw (rushing to sofa and grabbing suit case). Hide 
me away long enough to put on my disguise and then in- 
troduce me. 

Harry. Good ! Pierp, you're all. right. That room 
there. (Rushes Shaw through L. door. Closes door.) 

Enter Ethel, R., with flowers. She goes to table and is 
placing flowers in vase. Harry is smiling nervously, back 
to door L. 

Ethel. Good morning, Harry. I've just heard from — 
why, Harry, what a funny thing to wear around your head. 

Harry (aside, soberly). The towel. I had forgotten. 
(Back to door and laughing at Ethel.) You see, Ethel, 
I was — was — why, I was playing, Ethel. Yes, I was play- 
ing. 

Ethel. Playing? 

Harry. Yes, I was going back to my childhood's happy 
days. Oh, those were the days when we were happy. 

Ethel (crosses to Harry, who goes toward sofa). 
Why, Harry, what's the matter? 

Harry. Ethel, dear, Pve been very busy lately and my 
head — yes, my head has been bothering me. 

Ethel. You poor boy. You've had headaches? 

Harry. Yes, Ethel, severe headaches. 

Ethel (taking him to sofa). Now, you sit right down 
there, dear. (Harry sits.) I have the finest remedy for 
headaches. It's — it's (backs off R.) in the medicine chest 
in the guest room. I'll get it. (Starts tozvard L. door.) 

Harry (before her). No, no, Ethel; don't bother. 
(Pushes her back C.) 

Ethel. Why, it's no bother. 

Harry. No, don't trouble yourself. I dislike medicine 
and pills. Ugh ! 

Ethel. You used to take so many different kinds of 
medicine. 

Harry. That's just the point. Too many cooks spoil 
the broth ; too many medicines spoil the health. Good 
phrase. Hey? Ha, ha, ha. 



AUNTY. 11 

Ethel. You act so queerly. 

Harry {leads her front, R., patting her hand). That's 
just it. The medicines are having- a retroactive effect. Now, 
as I was telling you, I read yesterday that we were prone 
to eat too much drug and that if we could forget ourselves 
and return to our childish ways we would not need so 
many drugs. Sounds all right, doesn't it? 

Ethel {doubtfully). Yes. 

Harry. So just before you came in I had tied my 
head up in this towel and was starting to play Indian. 

Ethel. That's childish enough. 

Harry. Yes. And do you know, I'm beginning to feel 
better already. You'll, help me, won't you? 

Ethel. I will ; only take that towel off from your head. 
It makes you look (Harry removes towel.) as though you 
had been on a spree last night. 

Harry. Hey ? 

Ethel. And you never have been, have you, Harry? 
{Going to Harry.) 

Harry {shaking head and looking at her with injured 
innocence). Oh, dear, no. Never. {They embrace. Aside, 
as he stuffs towel into trousers pocket.) This childhood's 
happy days scheme appears to be letting me out. 

Ethel. There, that looks better. Now, what shall we 
play? 

Harry. Indians hunting the deer. I'll be the Indians 
and you'll be the deer, dear. {Ogles Ethel.) 

Ethel {laughing) . You silly boy, to make such a pun. 
What do you want me to do. This is so silly. 

Harry. You stand here. {Places Ethel beside table) 
and I'll stalk you. {Dodges behind sofa.) 

Ethel. This is absurd. Two grown up people — 

Harry {shading eyes). Ah, I see a stage coach. I'll 
rob that. {Rushes to R. door, yelling.) 

At this point enter, R., Mrs. George Joyner. She 
screams and attempts to retreat. She carries a large hand- 
bag. 



12 AUNTY. 

Harry (grasping Mrs. Joyner' s hand and pulling her 
back, C). Mother. 

Ethel. Mother. (Goes to Mrs. Joyner and they kiss. 
She takes Mrs. Joyner in chair L. of table.) 

Mrs. J. Why, Harry, you gave me such a fright. What's 
the matter? 

Harry (winking at Ethel, who is standing back of 
table). I was so glad to see you I could not suppress my 
joy, so I shouted. 

Mrs. J. I should say you did. 

Harry. But this visit? Your coming here was such a 
surprise? 

Ethel. I was just going to explain that — (sits chair 
R. of table.) 

Mrs. J. I telephoned Ethel that I was coming. 

Ethel. Yes, and I was so worried about Harry's head- 
ache I quite forgot to tell him. But, mother, dear, what 
brings you to town? 

Harry (seated in sofa). Yes, to what do we owe the 
pleasure of this unexpected visit? It's such a delightful 
surprise. (Harry smirks on Mrs. Joyner.) 

Mrs. J. (sentimentally) . Oh, Harry, you are always say- 
ing such nice things, even to your mother-in-law. 

Harry. The truth will out. 

Ethel. Do you wonder that I am proud of him, mother? 

Mrs. J. He's a model husband. 

Harry. Really, mother, you embarrass me. But tell Us 
about your visit here. (Aside and looking at L. door.) 
What shall I do with Shaw? 

Mrs. J. I'm very much interested in the cause of 
woman's suffrage. 

Ethel. Why, mother, I thought it was domestic sci- 
ence. 

Mrs. J. It used to be. 

Harry. You were so enthusiastic about that. 

Mrs. J. Yes, domestic science had its charms. 

Harry. And before that wasn't it physical culture? 

Ethel. Yes, and before that wasn't it — 



AUNTY. 13 

Mrs. J. Yes, I know, but this is an age of advancement 
and we must keep abreast of the times. 

Harry (aside and looking towards the L. door). What's 
Shaw doing, I wonder? 

Mrs. J. And the modern woman must not confine her 
efforts to the home circle exclusively. George is in politics. 
Why should not I, his wife, be? 

Ethel. So you have become a suffragist? 

Mrs. J. A suffragette, my dear. 
- Harry. What's the difference? 

Mrs. J. The difference is this. A suffragist takes tea 
and talks, while a suffragette — 

Harry (laughing). Smashes things. 

Mrs. J. (indignantly). Not exactly that; we demand 
our rights. (Harry's laugh freezes away.) 

Ethel. Like Mrs. Moneybanks? 

Mrs. J. Yes, Sister Moneybanks is the leader in our 
great cause. I'm here to tell a suffragette meeting this after- 
noon how our cause has prospered at home. I was called 
here unexpectedly and I didn't have the chance to let you 
know by letter of my visit, so I thought I'd walk right in 
and surprise you. 

Ethel. You have. How's father, mother? 

Mrs. J. Really, I don't know. I haven't seen him for 
the past month. 

Harry and Ethel. For the past month ! 

Mrs. J. No. My civic duties have given me but little 
time for home life. George is very busy, too. He is to be 
a candidate for Mayor next fall and I hope to have the 
pleasure of voting for him. 

Ethel. Come, mother, take off your wraps. You can 
put them right in this room. (Going toward door, L.) 

Harry (hurdles sofa and rushes to door before them). 
No, not there. 

Ethel. Why ? 

Harry. Why, it's — it's — it's not the proper place for 
mother. 

Mrs. J. Not the proper place for me. (Comes front 
much mystified.) 



14 AUNTY. 

Ethel. Harry Toogood, are you crazy? He's been act- 
ing queerly all morning, mother. Don't mind him. Come. 
(Starts toward L. door.) 

Harry. No, the room is draughty. Yes, it's draughty. 
(Aside.) I can't hold this position much longer. (Aloud.) 
And, Mrs. Joyner, you surely wouldn't want to catch cold, 
would you? 

Mrs. J. No, but— 

Harry (going tozvard her). And you might catch cold 
if you got in that draught. A cold would not be good for 
your voice and you might not be able to speak at the meet- 
ing this afternoon. (Aside.) A bright idea. 

Ethel. Why, Harry, the room is not draughty. Come, 
mother. 

Harry. And besides, the room is occupied. 

Ethel and Mrs. J. Occupied? 

Harry. Yes, it's taken. There's someone in it already. 
(Aside.) Now it's all off. 

Ethel. Someone. Who ? 

Harry. You see — that is to say — I forgot — 

Ethel. Well ? 

Harry. Why (silly laugh), I forgot — I was going to 
tell— 

Mrs. J. (aside, to Ethel). Is Harry crazy? 

Ethel. He acts as if he were. 

Harry (aside). I must give in. (Aloud.) The fact is, 
I have a surprise for you. Somebody arrived this morning 
to visit us. 

Ethel. To visit us? 

Harry. Oh, you'll be surprised when you learn who it 
is. Guess. (Aside.) That will delay things a little. 

Ethel. Is it a friend of yours or mine? 

Harry. That would be telling. 

Mrs. J. Old or young? 

Harry. That depends. Age is only relative. (Aside.) 
What'll I do after this guessing contest is over? 

Ethel. Is it a man or a woman? 

Harry. It might be either . (Aside.) Oh, Shaw, hurry. 

Ethel. I give up. 



AUNTY. 15 

Mrs. J. So do I. 

Harry (aside). So do I. 

Mrs. J. Really, Ethel, Harry has quite aroused my 
curiosity. 

Harry (aside). Now, it's all over. (Aloud.) Well 
(nervous laugh) it's — it's — 

Mrs. J. and Ethel. Who? 

Harry. It's — 

L. door opens, enter Shaw, dressed in woman's clothes 
with a woman's wig on. 

Harry. It's — 

Shaw. Aunty!! (All look in surprise.) 

Harry (looking around and discovering Shaw. Aside.) 
The dickens. 

Ethel. Aunty ? 

Mrs. J. (to Ethel). I thought you told me that Harry 
had no relatives. 

Ethel. He did. 

Harry. Yes, Aunty Agatha — 

Shaw. Moneybanks. 

Harry (aside). What nerve. 

Shaw. And is this my niece? 

Harry. . Yes, Aunty, this is my wife, Ethel. 

Shaw. Oh, my dear child, I'm so happy. I'm going 
right over there to kiss you. 

Harry (aside to Shaw, as he goes toward Ethel). Kiss 
her and this kisses you. (Holds fist to Shaw.) 

Ethel (crossing to Shaw). We're so glad to meet 
you. (Holds up mouth to be kissed. Shaw looks at 
Harry, then at Ethel, then at Harry, then shakes hands.) 
Aren't you going to kiss me? 

Shaw. No, dear child. I have a sore throat; tonsilitis, 
they say. (Ethel draws back.) I caught cold, and — 

Harry (extreme L., to Mrs. J. and Ethel). You re- 
member I told you the room was draughty. 

Shaw. Yes, the wind whistled through the closet and 
I stood in the draught. 



16 AUNTY. 

Mrs. J. (to Ethel). I'm glad I didn't go in there. I'm 
very susceptible to colds. Please introduce me. 

Ethel. O, excuse me, Mrs. Moneybanks — (Shaw is 
talking to Harry and doesn't recognise his name.) Mrs. 
Moneybanks, I — (Harry nudges Shaw.) 

Shaw. Hey? O, what? (Goes to Ethel.) My dear, 
pardon me, I was so busy talking with Charlie — 

Harry (punching Shaw's back and hissing). Harry, 
you fool. 

Shaw. Harry, you fool. I mean Harry — that I did not 
hear you. 

Ethel. I was just presenting my mother, Mrs. Joyner. 
(Shaw crosses to Mrs. J., affected handshake.) 

Mrs. J. (extending hand). Mrs. Moneybanks, I — 

Shaw. Miss Moneybanks, Miss (spells) M-i-s-s, Miss. 
Miss Agatha Moneybanks. I never could bear to support 
a man. (Both sit at table; Shaw L. and Mrs. J. R. Harry 
and Ethel on sofa — Harry explaining about aunt.) 

Mrs. J. I half believe you're right, Miss Moneybanks. 
But your name has a familiar sound. Are you any relation 
of the peerless suffragette leader? 

Shaw. O, yes, we're cousins, second cousins — er, twice 
removed. I've never met her. But your name is also fa- 
miliar to me. You're not — 

Mrs. J. Mrs. George Joyner? Yes. 

Shaw. Really. Not Mrs. George Joyner? The Mrs. 
Joyner. The — 

Mrs. J. Suffragette. O, yes. I flatter myself that I 
have been of some use to the cause of woman. 

Shaw. You do not flatter yourself; you state the truth. 

Mrs. J. Do you believe in the same noble policy that 
your cousin believes in? 

Shaw (absent mindedly). What policy? 

Mrs. J. The cause of woman's suffrage? 

Shaw. With all my heart. My cousin and I frequently 
consult each other — er — by letter. 

Mrs. J. O, how interesting. What a jolly little chat 
we will have, but first let me take off this hat. It is so 



AUNTY. 17 

heavy. (Rising.) Ethel, where can I take of! this veil 
and hat? 

Shaw (rising). Pray, use my room. 

Harry (aside). His nerve, it's of iron. 

Ethel. But the draught? 

Mrs. J. I'm afraid of catching cold. 

Shaw. O, that's all right. The draught came from the 
closet and I've closed the door. 

Harry (aside). Hear that Liar's Call. 

Mrs. J. Come, Miss Moneybanks. (Exit L. Mrs. J. and 
Shaw. They talk.) 

Ethel. But, Harry, I never knew you had an aunt. 

Harry (rising and crossing). O, yes, I've an aunt all 
right ; there she is. 

Ethel. You never spoke of her. 

Harry. No. You see, she's wealthy. 

Ethel. Yes, but — 

Harry. And eccentric. 

Ethel. I see. 

Harry (extending hands). So there you are. 

Ethel. But, Harry, I don't see — 

Harry (going to sofa). Of course, you don't see. 

Ethel. I couldn't — 

Harry. You couldn't. 

Ethel. Harry Toogood, will you please stop repeating 
after me like a parrot and tell me why you've never spoken 
of your aunt? 

Harry. Aunty has a lot of money and she's eccentric. 

Ethel. So you've said. 

Harry. Well, once upon a time (Aside.) Good Lord, 
what'll I say next? 

Ethel. Once upon a time, well? 

Harry. Yes, once upon a time (Aside.) Ah, I have it. 
(Aloud.) my brother— 

Ethel. Your brother — Why, Harry Toogood, are you 
crazy? You never had a brother. 

Harry (aside). Blame it. (To Ethel.) Did I say my 
brother ? I never had a brother. Funny I should have said 
my brother. I should have said her brother. He told his 



18 AUNTY. 

cousin that she was coming to visit them and she heard of 
it, and do you know that she became so angry that he 
should have mentioned her that she tore up her will and 
made another cutting him, her own brother, mind you, off 
without a cent. 
. Ethel. Is she as sensitive as that? 

Harry. Oh, yes. You see, she's left each of us a lot 
of money and we're scared to death she may cut us off 
so we've never spoken about her. 

Ethel (crosses to table, sits R.). I see; silence is golden. 

Harry. Exactly. 

Ethel. Silly, isn't it? 

Harry. But eccentric. 

Ethel (aside). This is a very queer story. (To Harry.) 
Let's see ; your aunt is on your mother's or your father's 
side? 

Harry (crossing to table). That's just the point. He — 

Ethel. He ? 

Harry. I mean she ; she is sort of two-sided. Ha, ha, 
ha. 

Ethel (aside). Harry's certainly crazy. 

Harry (seated L. of table). My father's great aunt's 
nephew — 

Ethel (following). Your father's great aunt's nephew, 
yes? 

Harry. Married my mother's second cousin's aunt's 
uncle. (Aside.) Now she's lost. 

Ethel. Married your mother's second — . See here, 
Harry, that's silly. 

Harry. Silly? Oh, no. Now let me explain. (Takes 
chair to back of table, sits dozvn, moves flower vase.) My 
second cousin's mother — 

Ethel. Harry Toogood! 

Harry. I mean my mother's second cousin's aunt's uncle 
married — (Aside.) Who the deuce was it? 

Ethel. But, Harry, how could it be? A nephew mar- 
rying an uncle? 

Harry. I don't know how it was, but that was it. 

Ethel. Absurd. 



AUNTY. 19 

Harry. I told you she was eccentric. 

Ethel. But, Harry, think. A man can't marry a man. 

Harry. Of course not. (Aside.) I'm a blamed fool. 
(Rises, puts chair back and crosses to C. To Ethel.) 
Who said he could ? 

Ethel. You did. 

Harry. Pardon me — 

Ethel. Why, Harry, you did. You said that your — . 
Oh, I've forgotten the relationship — 

Harry (aside). She's lost in the ancestral, woods now 
all right. 

Ethel. But you've said it. 

Harry. It's too silly to admit of an argument, so we 
won't quarrel. There was a marriage and Aunty is the 
result. You see? 

Ethel (aside). I don't see, but I'll find out pretty 
quick. There's something wrong here. (To Harry). It 
seems to me that your aunt's feet — 

Harry (rushing to her and leading her R.) Sh ! She'll 
hear. They're a sensitive subject with her. 

Ethel. And her voice is so heavy. 

Harry. That's due to the cold she caught in that room. 
Hush! She'll hear you. 

Ethel. And her hands — (They are in front of table.) 

Enter Mrs. Joyner and Shaw, L. They go to sofa and 
sit down. 

Mrs. J. No, they're not stylish at all this winter. 

Shaw. Dear me, how we poor women are put to it try- 
ing to keep pace with the fashions. Really, my last year's 
jabot is quite out of date. It must have bigger sleeves this 
year. 

Ethel (aside). A jabot. (Imitates the wrong pronun- 
ciation of Shaw.) And with sleeves. There's something 
wrong. 

Shaw. And do you know my puffs — Why, Edward — 

Harry. Harry, you mean, Aunty. (Aside.) The ob- 
sent-minded fool. 

Shaw. Yes, Harry. Dear me, the names of my nephews 
and my nieces do confuse me so. I didn't realize that you 



20 AUNTY. 

were here. (To Mrs. J.) Wouldn't it have been shocking 
if I had spoken before Andrew — I mean Harry — about my 
puffs. (Silly gi?%le.) 

Mrs. J. (to Shaw). Oh, Harry doesn't count. He's 
married. (To Ethel and Harry). Children, Mrs. Money- 
well — 

Shaw. Miss Moneybanks, if you please, Mrs. Middle- 
man. 

Mrs. J. Mrs. Joyner, if you please, Miss Moneybanks. 

Shaw. Pardon me, Mrs. Joyner, names are so confus- 
ing. 

Mrs. J. Children, Miss Moneybanks and I are having 
the most delightful conference about the cause; would you 
be so kind as to leave us? (Crosses to table.) We have 
some weighty matters to discuss. 

Both. Certainly, mother. 

Shaw. Yes, children, we have most important things to 
talk over together. (Shaw crosses on this speech. As he 
does so he raises his skirt so that his trousers can be plainly 
seen in the pier glass in the rear. ) 

Harry (as he passes Shaw). Oh, you — 

Shaw (turning and waving hand at Harry). Fade away, 
little boy. (Exit Harry, L.) 

Ethel (sees Shaw lift his skirt and sees his trousers as 
she looks in the pier glass. She stops ; looks towards glass, 
then at audience, then at Shaw, who is busily talking with 
Mrs. J. at table.) Why, Aunty's wearing trousers. (Looks 
at door.) Oh, Harry Toogood, I'll sift this matter to the 
bottom and then I'll make you confess. (Exit L.) 

Mrs. J. Oh, yes, Miss Moneybanks, we have long been 
under the yoke of men. 

Shaw. We are no better than oxen, Mrs. Joy — killer. 

Mrs. J. Mrs. Joyner, Mrs. George Joyner. 

Shaw. Mrs. Joyner. We are but drudges. 

Mrs. J. We are entitled to equal rights with men. 

Shaw (clapping). Bravo! Bravo! 

Mrs. J. Nature has endowed us with the same brains, 
the same talents, the same abilities as man. 



AUNTY. 21 

Shaw (rising and crossing to sofa). We are the mother 
of the race. 

Mrs. J. (rising). We are entitled to franchise. 

Shaw. We must have it. 

Mrs. J. We have long been denied it; but have it we 
will. 

Shaw. We will. 

Mrs. J. Since persuasion has failed (crosses threaten- 
ingly to Shaw) we must use compulsion. 

Shaw (jumping away, R. Aside.) I'll bet she can use 
compulsion. How I'd like to be Joy-what's-his-name. Nix 
for mine. 

Mrs. J. (at R. C). Oh, for the privilege of casting a 
vote. 

Shaw (advancing to her). It is a privilege. 

Mrs. J. You speak as though you had exercised it. 
(Suddenly. ) Is — it — possible — that — you— have — voted ? 

Shaw (putting on airs). Oh, yes. 

Mrs. J. Really? 

Shaw. Oh, yes, often. (Aside). I used to be a repeater 
before I reformed and went on the stage. (To Mrs. J.) 
Have I ever voted? Dear me, suds, yes. 

Mrs. J. How often? 

Shaw. Seven times in one day. I would have voted 
eight only I was arrested. 

Mrs. J. You were arrested? 

Shaw. I have had that honor. 

Mrs. J. And been sent to jail? 

Shaw. Oh, yes, I have — (looks suddenly around and 
placing his -fingers on his lips, approaches Mrs. J. myste- 
riously). Sh! Sh! Is there anyone in this room? 

Mrs. J. (looks around and in whisper). No, there is not. 

Shaw (stage whisper). Do you see this? (Points to 
jabot.) 

Mrs. J. (looking). Yes. 

Shaw. It's my badge. I'm a Toonew. (Turns and 
walks R. as if he had made startling announcement, leav- 
ing Mrs. J. standing completely mystified.) 

Mrs. J. A Toonew? 



22 AUNTY. 

Shaw (turning suddenly). Yes, a Toonew, so. (Makes 
gestures.) What, can it be true? Have I — tell me, woman. 
Is it possible that you have never heard of the order of the 
Toonew? What sort of a suffragette are you? Or are you 
a suffragette at all? 

Mrs. J. (impressed) . I am a suffragette, but I've never 
heard of the order of the Toonew. 

Shaw (advancing mysteriously , looking around). List- 
ten. Would a secret intrusted to you be as safe as money 
deposited in a bank? 

Mrs. J. You may trust me implicitly. 

Shaw. Know, then, that the order of the Toonew is 
composed of suffragettes of the most violent sort. We per- 
mit no interference in our affairs and our work is con- 
ducted with the greatest secrecy. Our order is known only 
to its members. We are sent hither and thither and tither 
at the order of the Grand Fargu without a moment's notice. 

Mrs. J. How noble. 

Shaw. We give ourselves to the good of womankind. 

Mrs. J. How I wish that I might join that order. 

Shaw (aside). Here's where I make a stake. (To Mrs. 
J.) I shall be glad to present your name at the next meet- 
ing of the Singwell. 

Mrs. J. How can I ever thank you? 

Shaw. I shall be glad to give this matter my personal 
attention. 

Mrs. J. So great an honor. 

Shaw (aside). It's like taking money away from chil- 
dren. (To Mrs. J.) But the application must be accompa- 
nied by a slight— er — evidence of good faith. 

Mrs. J. You may tell the — the — what did you say the 
name was of that body to which you were going to present 
my name? 

Shaw. What did I say the name was? 

Mrs. J. Yes, I've forgotten. 

Shaw. It was — do mean to say you've forgotten? 
Can't you remember? (Aside.) Hanged if I can. 

Mrs. J. Oh, yes, the Singwell. 

Shaw. Right, (Aside.) A narrow escape. 



AUNTY. 23 

Mrs. J. You may tell the Singwell that I have all the 
faith in the world. 

Shaw. But you don't understand. (Aside.) This is too 
easy. (To Mrs. J.) I meant by evidence of good faith, 
the initiation fee. It's trifling — a mere matter of form, but 
it must accompany each application. 

Mrs. J. How much is it? 

Shaw. Not much. 

Mrs. J. Perhaps I've not enough. (Opens pocketbook.) 

Shaw (trying to look into pocketbook). How much 
have you? 

Mrs. J. Let's see. (Pulls out hair pins, etc., with money.) 
There's twenty and five and two ones, three tens and two 
one-hundred. That's two hundred and fifty-seven dollars 
and fifteeii cents. And here's another penny. Sixteen cents. 

Shaw. Isn't that singular. That's just exactly the ini- 
tiation fee. (Takes money.) We'll go right over to this 
table and write your application. (Business of trying to 
pocket money and then raising skirt as he goes. Feels in 
his hair for pencil.) Have you a pencil? 

Mrs. J. Here's one and some paper, too. 

Shaw. Now, your name, Mrs. Samuel Sorrowfield. 

Mrs. J. Mrs. Joyner. Mrs. George Joyner. 

Shaw. Your age? 

Mrs. J. Is — is — is that necessary? 

Shaw. Must have it. Mere matter of form, you know. 
They never talk about it. (Mrs. J. whispers in Shaw's ear. 
Shaw aside, as he writes it down.) Liar. 

Re-enter Harry and Ethel, L. 

Ethel. May we come in now? 

Mrs. J. Yes, Miss Moneybanks and I have had such a 
delightful chat, haven't we? 

Shaw. Yes. It has been most profitable for me. 

Mrs. J. And me, too. 

Ethel. Luncheon's all ready. Harry, will you please 
take mother out? 

Harry (giving his arm to Mrs. J. as they exit, L.) Cer- 
tainly. 



: ; aunty. 

Shaw (aside). A lunch, a real lunch. (Starts to follow 
but Ethel is before him.) 

Ethel (aside). Now for Aunty. (To Shaw.) Oh, 
Aunty, it is so nice to have you with us. 

Shaw. My dear child. It is so pleasant to be here with 
you and Morris. 

Ethel. Morris ? 

Shaw. I mean Percy. 

Ethel. Percy? You mean Harry. 

Shaw. So I do, child. Names, names. They are my 
beat nore. 

Ethel (going front toward sofa and aside). Beat nore. 
(Imitates pronunciation.) Oh, bete noir. (Laughs.) 

Shaw. The bane of my existence. 

Ethel. We're glad to have you here. Harry tells me 
that (turns suddenly and looking him in the eye) you have 
lots of money. 

Shaw. He tells — why, why, yes, I have lots of money. 
(Aside.) I wonder what he did tell her? 

Ethel. And he says you're eccentric. 

Shaw. Oh, yes, I am. (Aside.) I wonder if he's peached 
on me. (Ethel has gone to L. door and has locked it.) 
Why, what are you going to do? 

Ethel. I'm going to telephone to the police. (Rushes 
to R. door.) 

Shaw (before her). Don't; please don't. 

Ethel. Then tell me — 

Shaw. Anything you want to know. 

Ethel. Tell me everything. 

Shaw. How much has Lemuel told you? 

Ethel. That concerns Harry and me. I want your 
story. 

Shaw. Well, I'm pinched, I suppose, so here goes. I 
am Pierpont Tuckerman Shaw, sir — I mean madam — the 
actor-manager of the Liars Call Company. Last night I — ■ 

Ethel. Oh, yes, I read the story of the theft in the 
morning papers. 

Shaw. These clothes and this wig I temporarily bor- 
rowed from Florence Goodtussle, our leading lady. As I 



AUNTY. 25 

was seeking some secluded spot in which to dress, I turned 
into an alley and then ran across what's-his-name ? 

Ethel. You mean Harry. What was he doing- there? 

Shaw. He was drunk, madam, dead drunk. 

Ethel. Harry — drunk? I don't believe it. 

Shaw. He was soused to the eyes. I woke him and he 
brought me here. 
(Knocks heard at L. door. Harry's voice calling "Ethel.") 

Ethel. In a moment. (Telephone bell is heard off R.) 
I'm answering the telephone. (Exits, R.) 

Shaw (smelling flowers at table). To wait, or not to 
wait, that's the question. 

Ethel (off R.). Hello. Yes, this is Mrs. Toogood's 
residence. Yes, I'm Mrs. Toogood. What? You say he has 
been tracked here ? The officers will be here in fifteen min- 
utes? Good-bye. (Shaw has been listening. When he hears 
that the officers are coming to search the house he rushes 
off R. after unlocking the door.) 

Enter Ethel, R. 

Ethel. Where is he? (Rushing L.) 

Shaw re-entering, L. 

Shaw. Here. (He carries his suit case. A woman's 
large picture hat is pinned on one side of his head. Hat 
pins are in his mouth. At C. he stops, puts down suit case 
and stands to pin on his hat. Pricks head, etc.) 

Ethel. You heard? 

Shaw. Yes. 

Ethel. I'll give you a chance. Go. (Points tozvard R. 
door.) 

Shaw (shakes Mrs. Toogood's hand.) Thank you, Mrs. 
Toogood. You're too good — too good. Well (picks up 
bag and courtesies) , I suppose this is where you say good- 
bye to Aunty. (Exits, R.) 

Ethel. Poor fellow. I almost hope he escapes. 

Harry (heard off L.). Ethel. Ethel. 

Ethel. Now, Mr. Toogood, here's where you eat 
humble pie. 



26 AUNTY. 

Enter Harry, L. 

Harry. Luncheon's getting cold. Why, where's Aunty? 
(Crosses R.) 

Ethel. She's gone. 

Harry. Gone ? 

Ethel. Yes, the police just telephoned that they will be 
here in fifteen minutes for Aunty. 

Harry. The p — p — p — police? 

Ethel. Yes, and they'll arrest you for harboring a 
criminal, one (imitating Shaw) Pierpont Tuckerman 
Shaw, sir, actor-manager — 

Harry. You know everything? 

Ethel. No, not everything, but I do know much about 
you. O, Harry, why did you do it? (Crosses to chair L. 
of table.) 

Harry (getting L. of her). The truth is I was tired of 
this simple life that you and I are always boasting about. 
I wanted excitement. Last night I stole away and got it — 
got it in big chunks — more than I wanted of it. And I'm 
sorry, Ethel. I ask your forgiveness. Can you forgive me ? 
(Kneels.) 

Ethel (rising and going L.). You ask my forgiveness? 
You have your fling and lie to me and then crawl up to me 
like a whipped cur and whine out an apology and expect 
me to forgive you ? 

Harry (follozving her). Really, Ethel, I did not mean 
to. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. Indeed, I won't. 

Ethel. And that excuses you for making a beast of 
yourself and for your lie to me — (advances to Harry, who 
retreats — they get C.) to your wife, does it? Just because 
you're sorry. No, sir, I'll not forgive you. (Goes to chair 
L. of table, sits down and cries.) 

Harry (crosses to her, pats her back). There — there, 
dear. Don't, please. (Crosses back to R. C.) Oh, what a 
fool I've been. (To Ethel.) Ethel, dear, won't you for- 
give me? (Ethel sobs.) What a price to pay for a fool's 
impulse. (Goes tozvard her.) For the last time I ask you, 
Ethel, dear. Oh, don't, don't turn me down now. I'm thor- 
oughly ashamed. 



AUNTY. 27 

Ethel. Harry (they embrace), I'll accept your apology. 
And now that confessions are in order I may as well con- 
fess myself. 

Harry. You — have — something — to — confess — to — me ? 

Ethel (laughing). I have also been bored with our 
much boasted about simple life and desire a change. 

Harry (rising suddenly). What do you say to a dinner 
and theater tonight? 

Ethel. Lovely. 

Mrs. J. (heard off L.). Ethel, I really couldn't wait for 
you as I must be at the hall at 2 o'clock, so I just sat down 
and ate my luncheon. I'll put on my hat. 

Ethel. There's mother. How'll we explain about 
Aunty? We don't want her to know. 

Harry. Leave that to me. I'm a first-rate liar after this 
, morning. 

Enter Mrs. J., L., carrying portfolio and wearing hat. 

Mrs. J. Where's Miss Moneybanks? I want her to 
come with me to the meeting? 

Harry. Mother, Aunty was suddenly called away. 

Ethel. Yes, on business. 

Mrs. J. (as she goes toward R. door. Aside.) On a 
secret mission of the order of the Toonew. Oh, lucky 
woman! (Exits, R.) 

Ethel. And now for lunch. (Curtain as they exit, R., 
Harry's arm around Ethel's waist.) 

Curtain. 



A Daughter of the Desert 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A comedy-drama of the Arizona Plains, 4 acts; 6 m., 4 f. Time, 
2% h. Scenes: 2 interiors. Easy to set. Characters: Harold 
Morton, a railroad surveyor. Clarence Ogden,. a rancher. Samuel 
Hopkins, a land speculator. Pedro Silvera, a Mexican renegade. 
Jim Parker, a gambler. Bill Jones, a sure-fire sheriff. Ruth 
Arlington, a daughter of the desert. Mrs. Mary Ogden, a widow. 
"White Bird, an Apache Indian girl. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Clarence and Lucy have an adventure. "How dare you 
kiss a helpless girl, sir?" Silvera' s charge. Your father was killed 
by Charles Morton. The avowal of love. Hopkins dotes on custard 
pies. The Apache outbreak. "If I die, clear my father's name." 

Act II. — "It's not my stomach, but my heart, papa." Clarence 
wounded. The arrest of Morton.. White Bird's avowal. "We shall 
bring the guilty to justice." 

Act III. — How Silvera got a scar on the back of his hand. "I put 
it there with my sticker!" "I am a man of honor and my word is 
my bond." The rescue of Morton by cowboys. Ruth has the upper 
hand. Off to the Mexican line. 

Act IV. — "My husband ate two lemon pies and died." White Bird 
clears up the mystery. "Silvera shot him in back." Jones and 
Parker take a hand in the game. Ruth the richest girl in Arizona. 
Everybody happy. 

The Lonely ville Social Club 

By W. C. PARKER. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy, 3 acts; 10 f. Time, iy 2 h. Exceedingly lively and 
humorous. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Time hangs heavily on the hands of Mrs. Jack Newly- 
wed and Magda Peachblow, and they resolve to form a social club. 
The representative ladies of the village make a 9 o'clock general 
call. 

Act I presents Lonelyville's "four hundred." The stormy session 
of the benefit society. Gladys is both seen and heard. General con- 
fusion. 

Act II. — Mrs. Newlywed attempts to form the social club. Mrs. 
Purse Proud on her track. Discovered. A stormy scene. The 
determination to present "Uncle Tom's Cabin." 

Act III. — The town hall has been converted into a theater for 
the occasion. Gladys raises a row. Mrs. Steps and Mrs. Proud 
settle old scores. Ellen makes a show of herself. The performers 
are guyed by the "audience" and the performance cut short in 
disgust. The windup of the "Lonelyville Social Club." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



All A Mistake 

By W. C. PARKER. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Farce-comedy, 3 acts; 4 m., 4 f. Time, about 2 h. Scenes: Easp 
Co set. Lawn at "Oak Farm" and drawing-room. Characters: 
Capt. Obadiah Skinner, a retired sea captain. Lieut. George Rich- 
mond, his nephew, who starts the trouble. Richard Hamilton, a 
country gentleman. Ferdinand Lighthead, who falls in love don- 
cherknow. Nellie Richmond, George's wife. Nellie Huntington, a 
friend. Nellie Skinner, antiquated but still looking for a man. 
Nellie Mclntyre, a servant. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The arrival of George and his bride. A friend in need. 
The old maid and her secret. Ferdy in search of a wife. George's 
jealousy. The sudden appearance of a most undesirable party. 
George's quick wit prevents discovery. 

Act II. — The plot thickens. Cornelia in search of her "Romeo." 
The downfall of Ferdy. Richard attempts to try the "soothing 
system" on a lunatic. George has a scheme connected with a fire 
in the furnace and some pitch tar. Richard runs amuck amid gen- 
eral confusion. 

Act III. — The Captain arms himself with a butcher knife and 
plans revenge. Nellie hopelessly insane. The comedy duel. "Ro- 
meo" at last. "Only one Nellie in the world." The unraveling oi: 
a skein of mystery, and the finish of an exciting day, to find it was 
"All a Mistake." 

A Busy Liar 

By GEORGE TOTTEN SMITH. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Farce-comedy, 3 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2*4 h. Scenes: Easy to 
set, 1 exterior, 2 interiors. Characters: Simeon Meeker, who told 
one lie. Judge Quakely. Senator Carrollton. Macbeth, a hot-headed 
Scotchman. Dick, in a matrimonial tangle. William Trott, a re- 
cruit. Job Lotts, another one. Mrs. MacFarland, everybody's 
friend. Tennie, with a mind of her own. Janet, a Scotch lassie. 
Mrs. Early, a young widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Off to the war. A paternal arrangement of marriage. 
Janet of the Macbeth clan. Some complications. Meeker and the 
Widow. A lapse from truth. Meeker made captain. "You are 
afraid to go." "Afraid? Never!" 

Act II. — In camp. Captain Meeker and strict discipline. The 
Widow, the Judge and the Senator court-martialed. The Widow 
wins. Another lie and more complications. An infuriated Scotch- 
man. "You held her in your arms." "She is my wife." 

Act III. — The ball. "Not military matters, but matrimony." 
"Another of Meeker's fairy stories." The Captain in kilts. "The 
funniest thing I ever saw." The Widow untangles a tangle of lies. 
A lass for every lad. Peace proclaimed. Meeker remains "at the 
base of supplies." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



On the Little Big Horn 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Gents 

"Western comedy-drama, 4 acts; 10 m., 4 i. Time, 2y 2 h. Scenes: 
2 interiors, 1 exterior. Easy to set. Characters: Ludlow, a cavalry 
officer. Winston,, a West Pointer. Carleton, an Indian agent. Gra- 
ham, commandant of Ft. Winslow. Dakota Dan, a scout. O'Raf- 
ferty. an Irish sergeant. War Eagle, e, Sioux Indian chief. Hop 
Sing, a Chinese cook. Hanks, a telegraph operator. Martin, a 
trooper. Beryl Seymour, the belle of the garrison. Rose-of-the- 
Mist, a pretty Indian maiden. Sue Graham, a soubrette. Mrs. 
Spencer, a talkative widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The Major's suspicion. Rose reveals a secret. News of 
the Indian uprising. "This is what love has brought me to." The 
abduction. A soldier's oath. "To the rescue — then justice." 
„ Act II. — "The Indians are coming." A scared Chinaman. "Savee 
Hop Sing's pigtail." Rose offers to give herself up to Spotted Face 
to save the palefaces. The avowal of love. "We will fight and die 
together." The rescue. 

Act III.- — A message from the President. The wire is cut. "This 
is the the work of Carleton." "The testimony is perjured and the 
documents are forgeries." "I believe you innocent." "You are to 
be shot at sunrise." Beryl to the rescue. Beryl at the telegraph 
key. The reprieve. 

Act IV. — A scout's experience with a Chinaman. "I love ye, 
Rose." "We talk to parson." Saved by an accident. "We will 
surprise mamma and papa." Hop Sing goes on strike. Carleton 
in disguise returns. "I will kill you and have my revenge." Rose 
shoots Carleton. The reunion. "It is God's way." 

An American Hustler 

By WILLIAM S. GILL. 

Price, 23 Cents 

Comedy-drama, 4 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2V 2 h. Scenes: Laid in 
Idaho and Chicago. Easy to set, 1 exterior, 3 interiors. Characters: 
Major Bob, editor of the "Eagle's Scream." Rawdon, a gambler. 
Steve, a young miner in hard luck. Old Joe, a miner who 
doesn't mine. Duxum, a lawyer. Binks, his clerk. Servant. Ame- 
lia, Old Joe's daughter. Priscilla, principal of a young ladies' sem- 
inary. Annie, a deserted wife. Mary, the maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 
Act I. — In Paradise. The Major says something. 
Act II. — Law office in Chicago. The Major learns something. 
Act III. — Miss Fagg's Seminary. The Major tells something. 
Act IV. — Apartment in Major's house. The Major introduces 
something. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Heiress of Hoetown 

By HARRY L. NEWTON AND JOHN PIERRE ROACH. 
Price, 25 Cents 

A rural comedy, 3 acts; 8 m., 4 f. Time, 2 h. Scenes: 2 ex- 
teriors. Characters: Jimmie Blake, a physical culturist. Jack 
Wright, a civil engineer. Ezra Stonyboy, the postmaster. Count 
Picard, waiting at the church. Corporal Cannon, a veteran. White 
Blackstone, dealer in titles. Congressman Drybottle, a power in 
politics. Doolittle Much, constable and proprietor of the village 
hack. Mary Darling, an heiress. Jane Stonyboy, with ideas. Tillie 
Tung, the village pest. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Borrowing a screen door. Blackstone, a dealer in titles. 
Mary comes back home. Blackstone wants Jimmie to travel for his 
health. "One hundred thousand dollars as expense money." "No, 
I am going to a strawberry festival and that's worth more to me." 
The lost necklace. The proprietor of the village hack discovers 
something. "She's a fine gal, she is." 

Act II. — The Strawberry Festival. Blackstone schemes a quick 
marriage. A busy time for Doolittle Much. "Search that man, 
Constable!" The necklace is found on the wrong man. "Any man 
caught with no visible means of support can be arrested as a com- 
mon vag." The Count is "pinched." 

Act III. — The siege of Hoetown. The Count works out his fine 
on the highway. "Shark, you're a liar!" The financial panic and 
the loss of Mary's money. The Count and Blackstone get "cold 
feet" and hike for old Broadway. Mary loses her home. "Come 
on, kid, I've got carfare." 

Mirandy's Minstrels 

By SOPHIE HUTH PERKINS. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A Female Minstrel entertainment. A complete ladies' minstrel 
show, full of novel ideas for costumes, finale, etc. Contains new 
jokes, gags, cross-fires, monologues and stump speeches. Ending 
with a most laughable farce, "Mrs. Black's Pink Tea," for 10 
female characters, which is a gem of humor. Those that have 
"put on" female minstrels and know the difficulty of obtaining suit' 
able material, will be delighted with this book. It is highly humor- 
ous, yet refined enough for any audience. 

The Third Decree 

By MAYME RIDDLE BITNEY. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A female burlesque initiation; 12 f. and any number of members. 
Time, about 40 m. Scene: Any lodge room. Characters: Head 
Officer, Instructors, Assistants, Marshal, Doorkeepers, etc. It is 
unique, as it cz.ii be used as an initiation for any society or lodge or 
as an entertainment. Brim full of fun and action, yet not too bois- 
terous. Will please all women. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHIGAGQ 



DENI-SON'S .'v v - 
VAUDEVILLE 







J)enlson*$ 
Vaudeville Sketches 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, 

Nearly all of these sketcnes were written for profes< 
sionals and have been given with great success oy vaude- 
ville artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and 
ve^y funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recom- 
mended for church entertainments; however, they con- 
tain nothing that will offend, and are all within the 
range of amateurs. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 1 
Time 20 m. Scene: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tenden- 
cies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize 
fighter, to " try him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, 
is mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that is a sur- 
prise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.- Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L.Newton; 2m., 
1 f. Time 20 m. Scene: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Rose 
Lark must mnrry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never 
met and when he arrives Timothy Hey, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him fer 
Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 

GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Simple interior. Char- 
lotte Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" 
she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Fun, 
jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity A great Jew part. 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 
1 f. Time 15 m. Scene: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a 
statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger 
will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park al) 
night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful and the best of 
comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hi*,. 

HEY, RUBE!— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 15 m. Reuben 
Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way ne tells of 
the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. 

3S IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. 
Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of 
his. This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. 
Hoffman; 1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject 
which appeals to all. Full of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.— Old maid monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts 
about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

AN OYSTER S T EW.-A rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and 
A.S.Hoffman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, 
not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, 
pointed puns and hot retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another 
one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witti- 
cisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKL— Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, is 
forced to join the union and go on a " strike." He has troubles every minute 
that will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. 

WORDS TO THE WISE.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 
about 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which is fat with funny li«es 
and rich rare hits that will be remembered and laughed over for weeks. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min..., 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min .3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
<*reat Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 2Q min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min ..4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min..... 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. 1V.ON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 ni.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m.. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min ... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min.. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min. .... 1 1 
Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 1 5 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



OCT 21 1912 



POPULAR ENTERTAJ 

Price, Illustrated Paper Coi 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 

Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker./ 
Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for Young Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrao-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 2Sc. 



mSZ Y ° F EGRESS 

mne 

0016 103 311™ - 

Drms mar spair ISTO - T __^Lt__L* W 
Little Plays With Drill*. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys* Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The. Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth. 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

. How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches.etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago* 



